OCTOBER REMINDS US NO ONE SHOULD LIVE IN FEAR
MCKENZIE: OCTOBER REMINDS US NO ONE SHOULD LIVE IN FEAR
Brian McKenzie, Daily Progress
September 30, 2012
It’s National Pork Month. It’s Clergy Appreciation Month. It’s Pregnancy/Infant Loss Awareness Month, Filipino American History Month and National Arts and Humanities Month.
October is the month we make ourselves aware of breast cancer, national cyber security and dwarfism. It’s Lesbian-Gay-Bisexual-Transgender History Month, Fair Trade and Auto Batteries Month.
But for 1.3 million women and 835,000 men — the number who suffer domestic assault in the U.S. every year — October is important for something else: It’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
At 7 tonight in Charlottesville’s Jackson Park, educators, activists and advocates trying to stem domestic violence will hold their annual candlelight vigil for those killed and those who survived.
“Throughout this month we’re hoping to give voice to those who can’t express what they’re going through, to let people know of the experiences of the victims of domestic violence and abuse and, we hope, to hold the abusers accountable,” said Cartie Lominack, executive director of the Shelter for Help in Emergency, also known as SHE.
“We’re hoping that the community will be supportive of those who have been through this,” she said. “Education and understanding can create change.”
Change is needed. Domestic violence is a long-standing human tradition — where do you think the phrase “rule of thumb” comes from? — but it’s one tradition that needs to end.
It takes a heavy toll. According to the American Bar Association, intimate-partner violence made up 20 percent of all nonfatal violent crime experienced by women and 3 percent of nonfatal violence against men.
It’s an issue right here. As a reminder, back in June city resident Barry Bowles was sentenced for the 2010 murder of his wife of 17 years, Rachel Bowles. He stabbed her 16 times, one stab to the chest puncturing her heart. He admitted during police interrogation that the violence was ongoing; he once strangled her unconscious in 2000.
Mr. Bowles was sentenced to 15 years in prison for second-degree murder and his sentencing came just days before George Huguely was convicted of second-degree murder for the death of then-fellow University of Virginia student Yeardley Love. Mr. Huguely received a 23-year prison sentence.
According to the ABA, 33 percent of murdered women were killed by domestic partners and 4 percent of men who were murdered were killed by domestic partners.
The problem is serious enough that SHE offers advice on its website for anyone in a violent relationship or situation, starting off with putting 9-1-1 on speed dial along with the SHE hotline, 293-8509.
There is also practical advice. For instance, if violence is imminent, don’t get trapped in the kitchen where everything from cast-iron pans to knives can be used against you. Stay away from the bathroom where there’s no room to dodge a blow and surfaces are hard should your head hit them. Above all, avoid any room where guns or other weapons are stored.
Think of escape routes — doors, windows, etc. — before the violence begins and try to get out before it happens. Take the children with you, if you can. Have a safe place in mind to run to, even if it’s just a public place like a shopping mall.
Make an extra set of car keys and keep them in or around the car. Pack an extra set of clothes for you and the children. Stash medicines, some money and the clothes with a trusty neighbor, a church or some safe place.
If you’re ready to get out, gather birth certificates, Social Security cards, marriage documents, financial records, credit cards and anything that might be important, including a blank check or book of checks, and hide them in your extra clothes.
And do it before it hits the fan.
“Remember, sometimes the best laid plans don’t work out, so have a backup plan just in case,” the SHE website, www.shelterforhelpinemergency.org, states. “As a last resort, if an attack occurs and you have no way out, consider pretending to faint or have a seizure. It may stop the attack.”
It’s not a pleasant thing to think about, but this is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and the time to discuss it.
No matter what the month, you shouldn’t have to live in fear.
