DANVILLE NEEDS A SHELTER
Allison Roberts, Danville Register and Bee
October 7, 2012
Domestic violence is a crime that does not prey on women of a certain age, race or socioeconomic background.
According to domesticviolencestatistics.org, a woman is beaten or assaulted every nine seconds in the United States.
Karen Ingram, the Danville/Pittsylvania County domestic violence victim’s advocate for the YWCA of Central Virginia, said that one of the most difficult hurdles she faces with domestic violence victims is talking them into leaving because there is no shelter in the Dan River Region.
“I have to talk them into going down here and telling them they are going to be better off down here away from family — these are big hurdles,” Ingram said. “They may be safer because they are so far away from the abuser, but they’re so far away from any support system they may have — if they’re lucky enough to have one in the first place.”
Ingram, who began working for the YWCA in October 2010, said that her job is to work with victim’s services — help file protective orders, transport victims to shelters and assist with support groups. Because there is not a shelter in the area, Ingram said she often has to transport victims 40 to 60 miles away to shelters that are filling up quickly.
One of the major stumbling blocks in the path of a shelter’s existence in the Danville-Pittsylvania County area is funding. Members of Haven of the Dan River Region, Danville-Pittsylvania County’s domestic violence/sexual assault coalition, have been doing their part to network and raise funds, but the coalition’s government status prevents it from being eligible for funding.
Ingram said that Haven became incorporated in September, and before it can be eligible for any type of government grants or funding, it has to be considered a 501(c), which takes about a year. Ingram said that the coalition met with granters, and they were told it would be about three years before any grant money was available.
“ It’s up to the community now,” Ingram said. “If we want a shelter anytime soon the community is going to have to do it, and that means reaching out to churches, organizations and people who are independently wealthy. The community is going to have to make it happen.”
Dawn Witter, a domestic abuse survivor who spoke publicly about her abuse for the first time at the candlelight vigil Wednesday night, suffered abuse at the hands of her ex-husband. Witter said it began with small things — “you’re not going to wear that, are you?” — and escalated to much bigger and more violent altercations. She wanted to be a good homemaker and would try anything he suggested because she felt compromise was what is supposed to happen in a marriage.
By the time she realized she was in an abusive relationship, Witter said she was not sure how to get out. All of their money was directly deposited into his account, and all of the bills were paid out of his account. Witter was given a weekly allowance of $75 for groceries. It was not enough to feed five people, but she said her ex-husband knew that but did it so a fight could be started.
The judge who married her later told her the laws in North Carolina were not helpful to women in her situation and told her to run from her abusive husband. Witter said she knew her $75 allowance was not enough, so she tucked away money from that allowance for more than a year so she would have enough to run.
“If there was a shelter in that town where I was for women like Karen wants to have with Haven, I wouldn’t have had to run,” Witter said. “I could have stayed, and I could have fought. I could have kept my children’s stuff. My kids had to start all over again because I had to leave pretty much everything we had.”
Witter contacted a friend who lived in Colorado who had family in Maine. Witter’s ex-husband knew her friend lived in Colorado, but had no idea there was a place for Witter in Maine. Witter’s friend packed her belongings, came to get Witter and her children, and they left for Maine.
Ingram said that one of the biggest challenges to her job is people not knowing what she does and that she is here. She said that having a shelter in the city or the county would get the word out that there is help for people who are in abusive domestic situations.
“If we had a shelter here, not only would we have the shelter for crisis, but we would be doing education out of there and doing the fundraisers out of there,” Ingram said.
While Witter was living in North Carolina enduring the abuse from her ex-husband, she said she felt so alone. She was isolated from friends and family, and she was not working because her husband did not want her to. She said if there had been a shelter, she would have known where to go, who to talk to and been able to get the help she needed.
“If you know you’re not alone — if you know you’re not the only one going through this — that’s a sense of empowerment right there knowing there is someplace to go,” Witter said. “That’s what Haven is — it’s hope, and that’s what we need here.”
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